You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
