So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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