Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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