you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
