Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
organizing the empties. That sober.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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