he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
