Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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