So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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