There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
