I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
