Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
