Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
