I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
