Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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