You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
