Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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