Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
