i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He did a backflip because drugs
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