So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
