someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
