dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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