I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
