apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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