He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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