i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
