Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
