i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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