her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
