Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
