do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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