I wannas sexs uuuuu
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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