I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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