Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
