I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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