I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
someone owes me an orgasm
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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