Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
