Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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