How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
