Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
