a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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