it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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