I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
