Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
