I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
