There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
