walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
