Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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