my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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