Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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