he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
