my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i think i just lost a toe
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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