Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize