After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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