first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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