Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
