I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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