just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
