Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
You smell like stripper and shame
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
