I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
