I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
