At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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