I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
