On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
