U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
