She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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