apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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